Seth Rogen is Not a Fat Guy

Seth Rogen is hilarious. Seth Rogen makes very good movies. Seth Rogen is not a thin man.

However, Seth Rogen is definitely not a fat guy.

This isn't an attack on the man. In fact, most people would think it's a positive thing to be not fat. But the real problem is that so often in his films we are told he is a fat guy. We are supposed to laugh at this "fat guy" while he does fat guy things. The problem is he's just a guy who's not in good shape, so automatically he is put into the "fat guy" category. Well, as a fat guy, it's just not fair.

If Hollywood wants a fat guy, go get Kevin James. That's a legitimate fat guy right there.

The other side of that coin is the actor who used to be in shape, but now is clearly carrying around a few extra pounds. I think Alec Baldwin is a comedic genius on 30 Rock, but don't tell me he can get any women he wants even though he has the same body as a retired NFL linebacker. He's not quite a fat guy, but he obviously isn't shooting any running-on-the-beach-shirtless scenes anytime soon.

What we need is a name for this Seth Rogen gray area. We have the handsome-leading-actor-Brad-Pitt-Leonardo-DiCaprio category. And we have the jiggling-gut-man-boobs-Chris-Farley-Homer-Simpson category.

Where is the happy, lazy medium between these two?

The answer is quite simple. We have to go back to the days when words actually meant something. At some point the term "out of shape" became synonymous with "fat." Just like the terms "hot," "beautiful," and "cute" mean wildly different things when describing a women, there is a big leap between "out of shape" and "fat."

The issue is that "out of shape" is just too wordy for a simple description. There has to be some one or two syllable term we can use. My suggestion: flabby. Definition: Not thin, but still buy clothes off the rack in the same kind of store where they have paintings of smiling, blonde, half-naked people on the beach.

Seth Rogen is flabby. Alec Baldwin is flabby. Flabby is not fat. Fat is not flabby. Now that we have that cleared up, I feel a lot better.

I (heart) pie.