Edmundo: Patron Saint of the Denny's Crew

There really is no better part to being a fat guy than having your own fat guy posse. For me, the best fat guy collection I have ever been part of was the Denny's Crew of San Jose. 

I was joined by the Big E, the Big Worm, and Big Nate (I think we were just lazy in the nickname department). And unlike most fat guy crews, we had three little guys in on the fun: Chadwick, D Young and Yowbert. They weren't fat guys, but they could eat like us. That was good enough. The four true fat guys were our own set known as the 250-plus club. 

There were two simultaneous events that took us from being a group of young men who ate at Denny's often to the aforementioned Denny's Crew. The first was a promotional giveaway held by the restaurant where you were given a hole-punch cards to tally the number of meals you've had at Denny's. The deal was after five meals you received a sixth free. We referred to it as the "frequent eaters" card. 

The second event was the introduction of Edmundo the waiter. 

Now this may turn into a gigantic "man-love" letter for a man who is simply the greatest service employee of all time, so stay with me. Since our group headed out to Denny's about once a week before the frequent eaters cards were introduced, you could imagine how often we were now at Denny's with the promise of a free meal on the table. We usually didn't get there until after midnight, and there were only a few waiters and waitresses who worked the late shift. We were usually sat in one of the big booths, and that's where we met Edmundo.

Edmundo remembered us the second time we walked in, and by the fourth night of our new friendship, he knew our orders by heart. No joke. He would greet us with that magnificent smile of his, sit us down, keep the menus in hand, then recite our individual requests like he was born to do it.

"Bacon cheeseburger, plain. Side of fries and a Cherry Coke." My drunken eyes began to water once those beautiful words came firing out from behind that man's slightly yellow teeth.

The same could be said for the rest of the Denny's Crew. Especially the Big Worm, whose order deserves its own posting. I can't remember the exact order, but "Boca burger with bacon" was prominently involved. I mean, to hear Edmundo ramble off that ridiculous  phrase became one of the many reasons I mourned quietly when the Big Worm moved out of town.

It should be noted, the frequent eaters card lasted only a month. While every member of the Denny's Crew completed his original card, Big Nate put the rest of our coalition to shame by finishing two and starting a third. Often, one or two of our members couldn't make it on any given excursion, but I don't think Big Nate ever missed a trip.

The day any of us were able to use our free meal was huge day for the group. Like a certain, destructive graduation. It was usually used after a night of drinking. Mine was no exception.

I had finished a case of Coronitos (that's 24 seven-ounce Coronas) and was feeling pretty good. I demanded a Denny's Crew summit at our headquarters and when Edmundo sauntered over to our table, I was beaming. Once he repeated my usual order, I raised a single finger in the air to catch Edmundo's attention. 

"And," I proudly stammered, "a short stack of pancakes."

The rest of the Denny's Crew rightfully laughed, but not Edmundo. Like a professional, he acted like he'd been there before. The man simply curled the corners of his mouth, scratched down the new side order in his order book, and went on with his work. I'll always remember and admire that about Edmundo.

I will also remember cradling the porcelain later that night, realizing the pancakes were just one of several mistakes I made that evening.

I (heart) pie.