Indignity at the Drive-Thru

Here's the situation. 

You and two friends plan to get some food, but only one is charged with the task of hitting the drive-thru. Let's say it's a burger place. One orders a couple of small burgers; an

other wants a chicken sandwich, chicken nuggets, and fries; and the last individual orders the ol' number two with a Coke. The first two decided they were either going to have water, or there's stuff to drink at the apartment. 

If this is a normal, non-fat guy, there's no problem. That individual doesn't worry what the person behind the window thinks. And most likely, the person behind the window, if they have a thought at all, will assume the customer will simply be delivering the food to a group.

Now, as a fat guy, there is a whole psychological process involved. Either your an overly self-confidant fat guy, and really don't worry about what the man or woman behind the window is thinking, or you become an apologetic wreak.

While there are plenty of self-confident fat guys in the world, I am not one of them. Most of my fat guys friends are not like them. And, in all honesty, this site is not for those fat guys.

The few minutes sitting in that line of cars becomes a harrowing situation where a fat guy feels the need to explain himself to the poor employee, who he believes is judging him from that tiny box.

You see, the self-conscious fat guy believes that the individual behind the window expects us to devour this $15 semi-feast the moment our car drives past the glass. This thought, inevitably, becomes something we feel needs to be addressed. I can't explain how many times something like this happens, and all I want to do is let out a cry explaining, "This is for three people. I swear. Don't judge me, please!"

I know it makes no sense to most, but there are many people, like the Big E, who know exactly what I'm talking about when I tell this story.

To add to the whole embarrassing situation, there is nothing worse than seeing people laugh in the kitchen when you pull up. The chances they are laughing at you is almost nil, but don't try and explain that to my kind of fat guy. There is no other reason for those employees to be laughing in our mind. Fat guy plus tons of fast food equals the highest of comedy. Nothing can make you feel worse.

And here's the reason behind all this: There was only one drink ordered. All I keep thinking at this moment is that if my friends had simply ordered a drink, then no one would assume it is all for the pathetic fat guy in the driver's seat. That's it.

I can't begin to count the number of times I have cursed some of my closest friends over the fact that their decision to save $1.50 on a drink has made me go though this indignity.

However, I am a fat guy for a reason. And sometimes there really aren't two other friends back at the apartment.

I (heart) pie.