Join the Fat Guy Coalition And Get Your Own Post

There it is. That's the deal. I notice a new individual following the Fat Guy Report and he gets to chose the next post topic.

As you can see in the sidebar to the right, my old friend Bail $$$ has become the beta member of our Coalition. And while he didn't exactly say he wanted to discuss the Hawaiian shirt craze amongst fat guys, he did send this email along earlier today ...

"Don't hate on the Hawaiian shirt. The advantage is we are on the small side of the true Hawaiian/Islanders who wear them. Like when I kick it with the Samoan (police) officer; he's the runt of the village, and I'm not the smallest, but I'm not the biggest as well."

Now, it may not be the most eloquent retort, but we can all see his point. Sort of. 

(Editor's note: I'm not too sure what my aim was with the next few hundred words, but I swear I had a good idea when I started. I ended up changing my position a few times on the Hawaiian shirt issue mid-post. My mind got away from me for second. It happens. So, get ready to read a passionate response that makes little to no sense.)

At 5'10" and about three bills, I know there are plenty of Islanders that are bigger than me. However, my point is a Hawaiian shirt on a fat guy is just stereotypical. Like a Mexican in a poncho or an Irishman dolled up like a leprechaun, it's more of a joke than an actual fashion choice.

Now, as I said in the "On the Menu" post from last week, I love Hawaiian shirts. I would truly wear one everyday. And you know why? They're damn comfortable and I like vibrant colors. Sue me.

I admire the fat guy in the Hawaiian shirt. I wish I could be that secure in my fatguyness (new word). However, this would not be as wonderful of a read if I were a self-confident fat guy. My neurotic tendencies make this a more interesting forum. And one of the things that makes me especially self-conscious is what I am wearing.

I am constantly paralyzed by how people view me, even though I often relish being a fat guy. Wearing a Hawaiian shirt magnifies that worry and makes me really uncomfortable, which contradicts my first reason for loving Hawaiian shirts (see Editor's note above). I'm comfortable on the outside, but my inner insanity makes me unable to enjoy that feeling.

My head hurts. I think I'm going to stop here. Maybe we'll revisit this at a later time. I'll probably just have Bail $$$ write it. Nothing more to say except ...

I (heart) pie.